Return to Sender (Creation Conversation)

Most of the time you can’t send your family back. And although fifty percent of American married couples routinely divorce each other, has anyone every successfully divorced their family. I mean really, it’s not that easy when it’s the one you where born into. Even if you ignore them all together or simply try to ignore the bad parts and enjoy the rest, things always have a way of creeping in.

So . . .

when your husband says what he always seems to eventually say. You know those series of words, those ones that always manages to set you off somewhere in your vulnerable place.

And when your parents or your child has simply gone farther than the turkey dressing can cover, and said more than you needed to hear for one break.

When your brother or sister finally find and work that nerve that is commonly known as “your last one”

. . . Remember that you are not alone.

Family drama doesn’t come in a box. Consequently, you can’t neatly stamp return to sender and leave it at the post office. So it’s time for some Creation Conversation.

Let’s face it, God made them and not you. So chances are that you are not going to be able to yell and nag and control and scream them into the person that you want them to be. Which means it’s time for a new approach, knees first.

It’s time to refocus my conversations about family to the One who created them, God, the Father himself.

Tell the Truth (Recognition)

Pull out a piece of paper and a pen. You are getting ready to tell the unadulterated truth about whatever you are dealing with, but be sure to have a shredder close by. Because you’re expressing them to get them off your chest not to hurt anyone. You don’t want your dark thoughts to destroy your living relationships. You just want clarity, to direct your prayers and confessions because we are getting ready to change our lives.

At a time when I was completely fed up with every member of my family, I did this and it changed me. And when I change for the better, then my whole life changes for the better.

I wrote down the names of every member that was “bothering me.” I mean all the junk that they did that I hate and have hated for years, I just wrote it all down and numbered each one. Then I made a list about myself as well, figuring that there was a chance that I had worked their nerves too (a little, at least ). And in the middle of documenting my family’s demons, I decided to be real. Tears fell and my pen kept moving. Evidently, I had a life time of stuff to get off my chest.

When I was done making those list, I took a deep breathe and then I re-read them and scratch off everything that was self. If she wears short hair and I wish she would wear it long. I let it go. I scratched that kind of junk off because it doesn’t matter. If her hair doesn’t stop her from getting a job or separate her from God, then I removed it from my list and focused on what was more important.

Finally, I had a more honest and relevant list. So, I gave it to God. I said, “God these are the things that will not serve their dreams, their futures or their success. I give them and all the issues to You because You made my family and You know just what they need. So heal these areas. Grow my family up in Jesus name I pray Amen.”

One of my sisters came to see me later that night. She said, “I believe that I’ve been doing this (and she explained it) my whole life. I think I am going to stop. It’s like I couldn’t see it before but now I do. What do you think? Have I been doing that?” Oh my God, could this be happening. Yes it was. So in that moment I made a decision. I left out all the arrogant, self-righteous, older-sister, I-told-you-so crap and simply “Yes, I had noticed that too.” She thought out loud for a while, thanked me for helping her and then left.

I checked my list. That was item number 1 and 2 in a single moment where I said less than I normally say and got further than I normally get.

Honest and sincere prayer works for the righteous, so don’t give up. Dive in to Creation Conversation, talk to the One who made them. He made you and get ready to grow and change too.

-MizJAI . . . family inspiration-

Even though it doesn’t look like it and even though we may feel like people ‘use’ us more than they ‘thank’ us, serve anyway with a pure heart because the day is coming when the praise will be forthright, overwhelming and uplifting. There will come a day when our children will call us blessed and happy and fortunate and they will want what we have because we love and live well (not the money stuff, the heart stuff). There will come a day when our husbands (the right ones chosen by God) will see us for who we are and say the things that let us know that they not only love us, but they see us, and respect us too.

In my eyes the sum of beauty is found in the last three verses, they are three lovely things to say about woman . . .

#1) Excellence Costs, but It Pays For Itself. He will say that many daughters have done virtuously, nobly and well, but you excel them all.

#2) The Wisdom is in the Worship. He will notice that ‘charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain, but’ you are ‘a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord’ and ‘shall be praised!’

#3) Diligences Speaks for Herself. He will notice your efforts and he will say, ‘Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates of the city!’

Remember this: being married does not make you a PRO 31 (a virtuous woman), the way that you live does. You become a PRO 31 by choice and over the course of time you demonstrate it by lifestyle.

So have at it sister.

-MizJAI

Her children rise up and call her blessed (happy, fortunate, and to be envied); and her husband boasts of and praises her, [saying], “Many daughters have done virtuously, nobly, and well, but you excel them all. Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain, but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord, she shall be praised! Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates of the city!” PRO 31:28-31

When my dreams remain at the forefront of my mind, there is seldom enough room to complain or to loose focus. My life is the business of creating. I only have time to build things glorious. I only have time to fight for things worthy. I only have time to stand and create a life that matters to me and the people watching–you know the ones, the little girls and the little boys who will need some footsteps to lead the way. The PRO 31.27 does not have time for gossip and complaining and PITY, she only has time to build things that matter.

We all have those pity days where we think we are the only ones going through and we have it worst than everyone around us (well poor, lonely us). I say ‘suck it up ladies (and gentlemen)’ because it’s time to learn how to take what we have and turn it into what we want. Get your head straight so that you can walk your plan right out of your mess and into your dream. Even if you have to baby step it out, get to stepping. Pity parties shorten your stride, limit your vision, dominate your dream-focus, and you don’t have time for that. As my mother says, you only have time ‘to get that root.’ Meaning, there is a problem that only you are qualified to solve for your life, your family, your community, and your team. You have to solve it, in other words, you have to get that root. There will be all kinds of distractions, but you have to stay focused because you are assigned to get that root.

Our personal and individual struggles are real and I don’t take them lightly, but don’t you isolate your heart and allow yourself to believe that the pain and struggle is bigger than the answer because it’s not. There are women (and men) who’s husbands (and wives) are at war and they stand because they have to. There are women (and men) whose lives are turned upside down because of divorce and they are strong enough to stand up for their lives because they are able and they must. Well, if you stand there with a dream that is deferring and it is festering in your heart, then get your head together too so that you can stand for the long run, learn the lessons of this season, and walk into your destiny with a heart unscarred but strong enough to hold on to the dream that you always wanted.

Get your head together, because the PRO 31.27 has work to do, the hardest work of all,
that heart work,
that growth work,
that I can be and will be better than I am work,
that I will change and grow up work,
that I have the guts to face my fears work,
that condition my heart and steady my mind for the long haul work,
that keep me humble and keep me holy work,
that ‘I can do all things through Christ Jesus’ work.
‘All things’ is ‘all things,’
so
get your head together
because you’re a PRO
and you have work to do.

-MizJAI-

She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness (gossip, discontent, and self-pity) she will not eat. PRO 31:27 AMP

Do you remember going to the carnival or a street fair when you where little? Or maybe just to the ice cream truck for one of those colored icicles that left your tongue blue. When everybody saw you they knew what you just had and you didn’t care. You probably even stuck your tongue out to show them on purpose. In a lot of ways our tongue is still blue. When we open our mouth we are tagged. The words we say expose the issues of our heart. If anyone listens long enough, they can see the color on our tongue and hear who we really are. Who are you? And are you proud of her?

You choose the words, you choose the woman that you want to be.

The PRO, she opens her mouth in skillful and godly Wisdom, and on her tongue you find the law of kindness and instruction that you can trust and live by. But it’s easy to slip into something else altogether.

Somebody breaks your heart and you vow to never let it happen again. And you become a little harder and your words a little colder and you change in ways you never truly planned. Somebody violates your trust and you set your will to protect and attack the next time, and you become a little cunning, a little meaner. You slipped into it. Or somebody taught you to play games and told you that’s how a woman gets ahead and survives. What if the cost is a beautiful tongue and a heart that another love can trust? What if the shell that you created to protect yourself is costing you the love, the life that you truly want? What if you learned to trust God only so that you could let your guard down and make room for God to cover you instead? What if you became free again in that place in your chest that nobody feels but you? What if you let go and let God take over for real this time? Then you could be a natural and strong woman and kind, and God could be your knight in shining armor and then he can get your heart ready for that man you dream of and that destiny you desire. What if you learned to watch what you say and learned to say the words that build? What if you grew up for real this time? Who ever said it was easy? Not me, at least not yet anyway. But I did say, “it is possible.”

Your choice, your woman.

-MizJAI-
She opens her mouth in skillful and godly Wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness [giving counsel and instruction]. PRO 31:26 AMP

It’s time to get back to the She’s a PRO Series. We almost have a full picture of her, so let’s close it out.

The PRO 31.25 dresses in character, stands secure and rejoices over her tomorrows because she knows that she is ready and her family is prepared.

You know what? She does the hard the part, the things that many are afraid to do. Remember, she is the one who rises early in the morning for her ‘food.’ She takes the time to feed her own spirit, her families spirit and the spirit of her team of staff and employees. She’s the one who strengthens her body and puts in the effort of ‘considering a field and buying it.’ She does the work.

It’s not that every day after she becomes a PRO 31.25 will be easy. It’s not that everyday on the way to becoming one is easy. It’s just that she is equipped and prepared to handle it because she does the work that qualifies her to walk through the darkest night and thrive on the other side. She does the work that positions her to muster up endurance when others fall apart. Yes, and it prepares her to hold on when others let go. And because she does the work of building up her faith, her family, her finances and her physical body, then she receives her dream into he waking life and has people to share it with and health to enjoy it.

Now that’s strong.

“Strength and dignity are her clothing

“Her position is strong and secure;”

“She rejoices over the future”

because she knows she and her family are ready.

Now, let’s do the work to ready ourselves and the people around us. Even if your life comes with overwhelming assignments and responsibilities, take the baby steps everyday to ready yourself. No matter what, take the baby steps everyday to ready yourself. And take the baby steps everyday to ready your family. Teach your sons how to be true men, mentor your nieces on how to be real women, help your parents to structure their retirement. Family preparation is service and a challenge, but it is apart of her (the PRO 31.25) joy.

Get ready.

-MizJAI-

Strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is strong and secure; she rejoices over the future [the latter day or time to come, knowing that she and her family are in readiness for it]! PRO 31:25 AMP

My dad says that “you have to work at it.” He was talking about Christmas and how children make our reactions to the Holidays very natural, you simply go all out because there are children around. But once people grow up and move on, we have a tendency to move away from completely letting loose into the Christmas spirit. Well I say, “there are some things that we should never out grow:”

our joy at experiencing something new

the pleasure of singing carols and laughing out load

the beauty in your family traditions, and if you have none then make your own for your children to pass on. Don’t come up with anything crazy as you hope to pass it down from generation to generation.

If you have been playing your music and taking a little time to drink in the moments, then the Grinch in you is beginning to die (Yea!).

What about building up your collection of Christmas movies. Just start with one and add another each year so that you don’t break the bank. When I was little we always watched It’s a Wonderful Life (it’s an old black and white that my dad loves). When I have kids, I will probably bring them over to Grandma’s house to watch It’s a Wonderful Life with Grandpa (whether they like it or not , they will like it at least while they are really little.

I’m daydreaming, but I’m just saying the simplest traditions make the holidays special, so have at it.

-MizJAI-

We have already redefined what the market means in She’s a PRO 31:16. Do a quick review so that you don’t forget that we should position ourselves to be on the other side of the counter.

Thanksgiving has just passed and I am sure you either noticed or participated in black friday, by shopping or taking advantage of a sale. But the name itself lets us know that the day is not about us. It’s about merchants receiving as much of the financial pie as they can from us (the consumers) during the holiday season. Instead of being in the red, our shopping puts them in the black. Now, what can we do to put ourselves in the same place. [Even though they hype it up with marketing the biggest spending day of the year is actually the weekend before Christmas (we last minute shoppers do it again).]

EXERCISE. Consider ways that you can change your role. The PRO “makes fine linen garments and leads others to buy them.” She provides a product that solves a real problem and markets it to the public. Not only that, but she creates and sells products to the merchants themselves (girdles that hold their items and free up their hands for work). In other words, this woman’s customers are regular people like me and you, as well as business owners and merchants. Now that’s savvy. I want you to daydream, what problem can you solve, package and sale? And if you already know, then what is one marketing venue that you can do, that you haven’t considered or tried yet? Run the numbers, sometimes things cost less than you think and there are all kinds of creative ways to get what you need professionally.

We will become a team of PROs. We cannot get around the call to “cultivate our own land.” And we’ll become new women along the way . . .

-MizJAI-

She makes fine linen garments and leads others to buy them; she delivers to the merchants girdles [or sashes that free one up for service]. Proverbs 31:24 AMP

I heard a woman on the radio yesterday discussing the type of men that women choose. One thing caught my attention, she said, “if the man you meet at the club at 2:00 AM in the morning and that you slept with last night turns out to be a dog, what did you expect? What is any respectable woman doing at 2:00 AM in the morning that she can not do at 10:00 AM.”

So many of us want men, but for different reasons. Now, don’t lie to yourself, it’s OK and respectable and romantic and human to want companionship (for a lifetime). It’s just this, are we choosing for the right reasons and are we positioning ourselves to meet the right men? If you are willing to deal with the truth, then you are willing to set yourself up for a beautiful future.

I am not saying that you need a man that has accomplished all his dreams when you meet him. I’m saying, you need a man that has conquered his character issues when you meet him. In other words, he knows the difference between a lie and the truth and chooses the truth. He knows how to show kindness without being a pushover. He knows how to be firm without being violent. He knows what real love is even as he waits to experience it with you. You need a real man of character who is secure in his own skin, and then, all the other things that you like.

EXERCISE. Consider this: have I ever chosen a man because I needed a way out? have I ever settled because no one else was there? have I ever chose for looks first, character second and then paid the price later? have I ever thought I could change a man’s character, and then later realized he had no desire to change?

We don’t have to be perfect when we meet the man of our dreams and neither does our man, but one thing must be fundamental in our choosing:
1. We will not be unequally yoked. If you are saved and filled with the Holy Spirit and actively in love with God, then you need a man that is the same. If you tell the truth even when a lie would be easier, then you need a man who is the same. If you are a giver, then you need a man who is the same. If you are humble and hate pride, then you need a man who is the same way.

This post is for single ladies who are in the process of choosing. Choose wisely so that you can break the standards of failing, violent and/or boring marriages. Be painfully honest with yourself. & Involve God in your decision so that it can last for a lifetime. Be the kind of woman who gives your man a great reflection. Choose the kind of man who is qualified to sit in the city gates at the appointed time.

MizJAI

Her husband is known in the [city's] gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. Proverbs 31:23 AMP

Or maybe you are the woman who sees hope in everything and everyone, but you haven’t realized that every man is not your assignment and that some fundamental things must be settled before God would ever give him to you. What do I mean? Is he extremely insecure? Is he violent? Does he have too much to prove or is he comfortable in his own skin and comfortable with you being you?

You know what the answers should be . . . so ask yourself the questions and tell yourself the truth. As long as you are willing to deal with you, then you are woman enough to let go when you should let go and hold on when you should hold on . . .

Unless . . .
you just feel overwhelmed and the need to be rescued; So you are willing to respond to anyone on a white horse, because you need a way out of your status quo. Not realizing that you can mount your own horse and ride out of your dark night, and meet your prince along the way to freedom (or where ever you’re going). Don’t choose a man or allow a man to choose you simply because you need a change. Stand up and create your own change. You will meet a much healthier man when you remove the desperation from your motives for love. Whether conscious, subconscious or whatever we want to call it; just tell yourself the truth, so that you can get to living a better dream.

MizJAI

Her husband is known in the [city's] gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. Proverbs 31:23 AMP

‘A virtuous and worthy wife [earnest and strong in character] is a crowning joy to her husband . . .’ Proverbs 12:4 AMP

We are a reflection that impacts our mates life. Who we choose to love demonstrates our value system and our preferences. What is excellent in our men demonstrates an excellence in us (that may or may not exist inside of us yet, but it is a present reflection and we need to know that it is there). Conversely, his weaknesses also reflect on us, so we need to choose wisely.

We are not responsible for a person’s every action and move, but if we find that we keep picking man after man and that he has the same traits (and they are traits that we hate), then we need to do something about our reflection and the reasons behind the men that we choose.

We should be choosing men who possess the wisdom to ‘sit among the elders of the land.’ But first we have to deal with ourselves and get to the heart of what’s really going on.

Are you the woman who likes to fix everything and consequently you choose broken men so that you feel needed as you work to repair whatever you see as broken inside of them?

Or maybe you are the type that’s looking for Prince Charming to ride in on his white horse and fix everything. But you missed the idea that Cinderella was probably smart and hardworking and humble. She lived among those lazy step sisters of hers for years. She had to come out with thick skin and powerful survival skills. Which meant that when she met her Prince Charming, he may have rescued her, but she was positioned and qualified to rescue him to, to hold his love in her heart and support this man as he ran the kingdom. Maybe you keep choosing ‘busta’ Prince Charmings because you don’t know what a princess is supposed to be like, let alone a prince.

Or maybe . . .

-MizJAI-

Her husband is known in the [city's] gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. Proverbs 31:23 AMP