She Can She Do 11: Forever Connected . . .

The circumstances of this week are a shocker, particularly if you are a Christian or a woman or aware. Juanita Bynum, a prominent minister, author and singer, was physically attacked in the parking lot of a hotel on Tuesday by her husband, Bishop Weeks.

On Thursday, another ministering power couple, Paula and Randy White, announced their plans to divorce which is being explained as an amicable separation.

My question is . . . If that is not our life or our sister or our direct family, then, why do we care so much? Why did it feel like somebody punched me in my stomach when I heard the news? Why did I gasp along with the rest of my community over hearing that Bynum was beat and the Whites were divorcing? I’ll tell you why . . .

We see our selves in their pains and their pleasures.

Every time a woman breaks through a wall in the business world; every time the United States wins a medal in the Olympics; every time a black person overcomes the obstacle, racism; every time a child does something impossible; there is a place inside of me that responds. It is the human condition to care and be connected.

It was not just Bynum who was beat that night, it was women. It was the moment heard around the country, and the message is simple:

For every woman, and especially Christian women, who have hid behind the violence of their mates because of their title and position,
You can stand up,
You can step out,
You don’t have to hide and you never did.

He beat her in a public place, which makes it a public situation and ironic; because domestic violence is a vile crime typically committed in the privacy of homes that should have been sanctuaries. And most women take the abuse for years.

I couldn’t take it at all. I was attacked in a hotel suite on my honey moon in Jamaica where he promised to kill me, just four days after he had promised to love me for a life time. On American soil that would have been considered terroristic threats and aggravated assault. He held me hostage in our room for three hours. I escaped just after midnight. The hotel staff hid me for the night and when I left the island the next morning at daybreak, I also left him, forever. Barring his periodic attempts to make contact, and our visits to court regarding restraining orders, I keep my distance.

In every person’s story we see a part of ourselves. When good things happen, there is a place in us that hopes it will come our way too, like successful marriages and husbands that love us, that won’t hurt us.

Yes, our families are under attack. It’s not new. It’s a darkness that is finally being exposed. And when truth comes, then freedom can follow, finally.

Women have held their tongues for the family. Black women held their tongue for the sake of the revolution. Christan women have held their tongues for the cause of the ministry, but God made us free and strong. And I plan to live like it.

Christian couples divorce as much as the average American couple. They grow apart and they get tired of trying. They forget how to reach each other, they fall away from the love that pulled them together in the first place.

I’m a preacher’s kid and a minister too. I felt the shame. My ex husband was the youth Sunday school teacher. People really liked him in the community. The whole situation was embarrassing. But it still doesn’t make him innocent. It still doesn’t make the incident acceptable. It still doesn’t make me silent. I don’t think I have to be silent. I don’t think I should be silent. I don’t think I can be silent, anymore.

It’s been three years almost and the wedding gifts are still in my mother’s closet. I feel angry every time a woman dies in my town over this issue. I am forever connected to this battle. I always was, we all are . . .

So no, it is not a private issue. It’s a community issue. A woman dies and we care, then we forget. Maybe this time, this woman, because of her name and position, maybe this shock won’t go away. And maybe the community will stand up together for the women on the front lines who are victims, dying physically and being destroyed emotionally.

If we all stand,
women holding women accountable for their choices to suffer and hide;
men holding men accountable for their decisions to strike and destroy,
If we all stand,
Maybe a whole army of us standing,
and not just, one
here and one there,
If we all stand,
then the tide would change,
and the times would change . . .

I know that after an emotional and physical strike like this, the only thing you want to do is survive
in private.
I have a strong desire to put this behind me and not be known as the woman who was beat by her husband on her honeymoon. But I Can & I Do speak, because my life is linked to the next victims survival, in fact, we are forever connected . . .

–MizJAI–

Tagged as: divorce, domestic violence, Juanita Bynum, Paula White, she can, she do