Since when has it been alright for women to choose death and men to choose violence?
Bishop Weeks attacking his wife, Dr. Juanita Bynum, can’t put the biggest mark on the church. The biggest mark on the church is inaction. The biggest mark is every time a woman stays in a dangerous lifestyle. The biggest mark is every time a minister attacks his mate and is not held accountable. The biggest mark is silence.
When in reality, people need to know. In general, men need to feel like it is social suicide to attack their mates. Women need to let go of toxic relationships, because let’s face it, some of us won’t allow people to help us, because of our choices. But for those of us who do seek help, we need to feel like the church and the community will cover us.
Susan stayed with her husband for years. When she called the police on him, they where his co-workers. They gave him slap on the wrist, looked the other way, and let him get away with it. Jeanne’s husband had been violent many times before. She called the police last night because it was worse then ‘normal’, but felt guilty by the next morning and refused to continue with the charges. I was in Jamaica when my ex-husband jumped on me. He asked the police a poignant question, “What are you going to do about it?” Of course when he asked that question, he reminded them that he was an American citizen and it was his word against mine. The fact that at 6’5″ and 350 pounds he was clearly the biggest man in the country at the time, made their decision to do nothing, extremely easy. But the question still stands, “What are we going to do about it?”
If we are going to fight for our families, then it’s going to start with this…
First, by being a living example of what women should expect and ‘take’ from their husbands and boyfriends by standing up for ourselves. And standing up for ourselves is not getting in that man’s face and showing him ‘what’s what.’
The biggest actions, sometimes are the quietest. You just don’t take it. You just don’t stay in a dangerous situation. You love him from a distance. You pray for him from a distance. You be angry and hurt from a distance. You forgive him from a distance. You cry, you recover, and you put space in between you and him. Momma can’t do the children any good, if she won’t love herself enough to live, and I mean really live and enjoy her life in front of them.
The second way that we are going to fight for our family is by ruling over our own spirits. That’s the wisdom that Solomon gave us in Proverbs 25:28. Men keep your hands to yourself. And if you are with a woman who sets you off, then you need a rooftop somewhere and a new relationship (Pr. 25:24). And if you are the man who is easily angered and making up ‘junk’ in his head that ‘ain’t true,’ then you need some counseling to get to the bottom of your real issues; the source behind your pain. Maybe you where molested and need to deal with it or maybe you are a down low brother in denial and need to confess it or maybe you just never learned how to control your own spirit. In which case, maybe you need to be alone for a long time.
Let’s start by being real. We are expected to participate in our own lives. Wake up and reach out for the next woman, by sharing our stories and holding each other accountable.
Insecurities in men are dangerous, they mean more than we ever thought they did before. So pay attention to who you fall in love with.
And ladies, the need to have the last word could be fatal. Your actions will say everything that is necessary as you remove yourself from that drama forever. You are a woman, She Can, move and get out the way; She Do, change the course of her entire life today . . .
–MizJAI–
{ 8 comments }
Hey Girl, you’re not trippin’ that entire Bynum-Weeks situation is enough to
make your head spin. Talking and sharing is good in terms of getting it off
your chest. While these issues are comparable to a horrible storm, who expects
the storm to come from within? I think this is why we don’t prepare.
Relationships that we commit to are safe, comfortable, secure and bring a great
deal of happiness and pleasure to our lives. This is why we enter into such a
blissful union in the first place. We believe we are protected and can trust
our partners for life. It’s quite alarming and traumatic when the table turns
for the worst.
Here’s my take on BEHAVIOR that is taken to another level. The raging monster
in Weeks was there all along. I believe God knocked on the door of his heart at
various times to gain entrance and access to that area of his life that was void
of God’s characteristics and healing. After numerous attempts and warnings he
still did not yield. Everything that’s done in secret shall be brought to the
light for exposure according to word. I’m sure God is his loving-kindness and
tender mercy would have preferred that this inner rage be dealt with behind
close doors in “The Secret Place” When we close doors on God, you can rest
assure a door is left open, giving Satan free access and rights to our lives
all because we refuse to submit to the delivering/ healing power of God.
My prayer is that Weeks will seek help and maybe even step down from the
ministry for a while. I believe his soul is more important than caring a
ministry at this time. He needs some serious help.
I encourage you to keep sharing your feelings and talking it out, it’s healing
for your soul.
Love you Much
Ms. T.
Thank you for sharing with my daughter your experience, so she is aware. You choosing to leave your husband after the 1st hit meant alot and sends a message to the young girls throughout the world. Once but NEVER again! My daugter is only 9 years old and she understands your pain and she understands that it is unacceptable for a man to put his hands on a woman! She sees that you’re an Overcomer! She sees it in your daily walk! She, as a small child, will forever remember what seed you planted in her life when you shared your testimony with her. This will help her as she grows into a strong women of God. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing. You are touching more women/girls than you can imagine. Much Love,
Sharon
I have experienced abuse in my past but not to the degree that you did and I know the affect it had on my life. The difference with me is I chose not to tell anyone. I look at your situation and your courage and I marvel at the strength that God has placed inside of you. You spoke up, you left, you never looked back, only after been married a couple of days. Now you choose to share with the world your experience, I applaud you, I thank you, I PRAY for you. You have given me a righteous example to witness to other abused women. An example that we as women are better than that, we deserve better, and if we don’t think that ourselves why should any man. You are that example, a woman who has taken a devastating situation and turned it into ministry. You are a hero to all battered and abused women around the world. My Pastor always say that in Christ your end will always exceed your beginning. My prayer for you, Juanita and all battered women around the world is complete and total healing and restoration. I believe that this blog and you sharing your pain is a piece of that puzzle. I know God has great things in store for you and I can’t wait to see and READ what God is doing and is going to do in your life. Remember this: Just because these men chose the wrong path has nothing to do with the blessings God has in store for you. God will not withhold your joy, peace and happiness because of the lack of control of these out of touch men, out of touch with GOD and his will for their lives. What GOD has for you is for you. If he promised you a bless marriage then a blessed marriage you will have and with it comes no pain of your past so, thank you for being a STRONG BLACK WOMAN OF GOD and for being the example that I couldn’t be 20 years ago. The word says the strong bears the infirmites of the weak. You Mizjai are strong and is what alot of battered women wish they could be, and you and Juanita and other Strong women like you has set a standard for women in Christ to follow, so again I say thank you and BE BLESSED, BE HAPPY, BE HEALED, BE WHOLE, BE COMPLETE, BE FREE, BE YOU, BE “MIZJAI”
Praying for you daily,
Mrs.N
On a serious note I’m am glad you are talking about this issue. It is reported that 1 out of 3 women will be attacked. Most the time they are attacked by someone they know this is a growing epidemic and it is time for the church to speak and act!
You just said something there, get the last word over the phone!!
that was good
Thanks for saying that . . .
I truly enjoyed your blog and insight. Keep sharing and inspiring all of us to not hide behind shame, allowing this type of treatment to be a “quiet killer” of not only our physical being, but our emotional and mental being also. Keep writing!!
TT