Relationships are everything to us, especially love (and lust that we sometimes call love) relationships. Some stats say that there are more successful women than men, so that when you reach a certain status there are not enough men to go around. And if you are a black woman looking for a black man, the stats claim that it’s even harder on us with more black men going to jail than college each year.

My dad says the tide will change with men in general because “we are waging a war and staging a revolution.” When he says this, he’s serious and doesn’t back down when challenged. So I shifted my perspective to see what he sees. My family runs a boys home filled with teenagers black, white and both. Some of them have been with us since elementary. Who knows what decisions they grow up and make, but while they are here with us, we teach and demonstrate manhood, womanhood, and love. I realize that they are learning about men and women everyday. As they watch my family and hear our words, we play a role in the type of men they grow up to become and the type of women they choose to love, and that is a revolution. But it doesn’t stop there. The church has been so divided on race and gender issues, that different churches have driven away different groups of people. Some are void of children, others void of men, and still others void of young adults.

In the process of learning how to love, we discover that God makes room for and creates ministry for all types of people and their pain. When we get together in love and truth and allow our mess to get checked at the door, then we grow together and we improve together and we change our communities together.

We don’t come out the womb knowing how to be successful women, we learn from what we see. And when we see mess we have to retrain ourselves. That’s what a healthy church is supposed to be about, retraining ourselves to live love in all we do. But some of us have been blind sided by cruelty in the church and mistreatment that creates a quiet rage that is understandable, but destruction.

I’m thinking my dad is right, we are staging a revolution that centers on integrity and character. Live a life that is real and honest. Serve the people around you. Actively impact your community by getting involved for the right reasons. Change the landscape of a man’s (and a woman’s) heart with love and truth. And you change the world by degrees and make a bigger impact than I realize sometimes.

We all matter, men and women. God says so and makes room for us, so why shouldn’t we do the same for each other, make room for us to grow together . . .

-MizJAI-

There are days, when the past gets to us and the future seems too far away.
There are moments when the pain echoes louder than the promises.
There are those times when suffering feels like it’s bigger than our destinies.

These are the moments when depression creeps in filling up the space that belongs to hope. These are the moments when pressure swells in our chest and our tears burn on our cheeks,
the moments when we almost forget to believe in our power to dream of a better time just one moment away.

Even when we face death, relationships that break, people that change; when we encounter things that the average woman has never seen before; even when we are required to be stronger than what seems fair, know that you are woman enough to reach up again, you are blessed enough to survive again, you are loved enough to overcome and help others come over with you. So, find a reason to smile again . . . in your children or by discovering a fresh way to serve somebody in need. There have been seasons where my own pain lessened on the tutoring table as I taught a stranger’s child how to survive in the classroom. Go tutor, go sing, go dance, go cry but get up again and again and again. Walk yourself right out of depression, go worship, go live, go to the places where you can feel God holding you, go overcome, no matter what you face.

She Can, She Do Overcome the Tears on the Page.

-MizJAI-

She who cultivates her land will have plenty of bread, but she who follows worthless people and pursuits will have poverty enough (Pr 28:19). See to your business, because if you don’t you will not have the resources to see to anyone else’s. This is not a license for us to be selfish or greedy because to whom much is given, much is required. This is, however, a mandate for you; that in all your caring take care of home too; consistently, without fail and with much diligence.

“Cultivating” begins with a mindset followed by an action. What if you actually began to believe that you can do and become whatever is necessary for a more dynamic future? Then your dreams could breakthrough. What if what other people said about you as a child took a back seat to what God says about you now? Then your joy could explode (freedom does that you know). What if you begin to believe that you’re more than a conqueror, that you are capable of doing all things because of the Word of God that lives inside of you (and if there is not enough Word, add some more)? Then you could allow your old fears to die. What if you decided that enough is enough, “I’m willing to become a better woman for myself, for my family, and for God?”

This decision has everything to do with Carpe Diem.

What would happen to your life, if you made the decision that regardless of the people around you, (even if you are the only one who’s growing and changing,) you would become more, no matter what?!

feel free to leave an answer, feel free to just think about it, see you tomorrow
-MizJAI-

Don’t confuse a dive with a belly flop. They may happen in the same place, the swimming pool, but they are as different as night and day. Well prepared dives in the hands of skillful women are graceful, precise, powerful, and barely make a splash. A belly flop, on the other hand, is wild, disturbing, physically painful, and messy.

It takes more effort to learn how to dive, but with precision comes beauty and clarity.
Carpe Diem Diva! Seize this day, take advantage of every moment by diving into your life, but learn how to do it right. In this day and age, taking care of home may require a whole new set of skills and creativity. We have so much to do, children to raise, people to love; we are needed and necessary, and we need ideas on how to do what we do with efficiency and grace.

While we are seizing our days, seek advice and wise counsel. Maybe it’s time to hang around successful couples to learn how to love each other for a lifetime (my Pastors have a gift in this area). Maybe it’s time to develop new computer skills so that you can dive into the information age (in this era what you know, how quickly you learn it and how well you execute it will determine your success). Maybe it’s time to use products that make life easier (like the dishwasher), then we can spend our time doing the things that no one else can do better, like paying some intimate and focused attention to your mate or mastering our craft or playing with our children after study time (your don’t need me to make a list of what’s important to you . . .). Maybe online bill paying could give you your life back, like it did for me.

In the middle of seizing your day, maybe an idea will come to you that fits your life style. Our life has construction to it. If you are married and a mother, then there are basic things that you need to accomplish in the course of a day. If you have a job and any type of commitment to your community, then there are things that you need to accomplish in the course of a week in order to continue to make a difference in the world. In other words, if you are living a life that counts, then there are people who are counting on you. And there are business ideas that will be a perfect dive into the construction of your life; ideas that will allow you to be a better mother, a better friend, a happier person, a woman who knows how to seize the day and shape the dream without loosing the best of herself . . . There is so much to this that we’ll have to go a little deeper tomorrow . . .

-MizJAI-

Women spend alot of time doing things, busing ourselves. Have you ever noticed how quickly we can fill our days with things to do, problems to solve. And there is always a mental list of things that we plan to conquer as soon as we “find a minute.” We usually find a minute for a multitude of important things, but never quite find the time for ourselves (of course, if you are the women who only finds time for herself then you need to give a little, ok )!).

I used to do bookkeeping. I would go to work and pay the company’s bills and organize their finances and just stay on top of things. Meanwhile my bills where often paid a few days late or I would be running in right on the deadline. It was a monthly dance that I did with my checkbook, the companies that I owed, and the post office trying to get the bills off on time. Of course the mortgage and the car notes where never late, but every bill after that was a free for all. As a matter of fact, one time about five years ago, I came home to a dark and hot house because my electricity was turned off in the middle of the summer (and it gets hot in Georgia). What’s worse is I had the money in the bank, I just didn’t pay the bill. WOW. I just didn’t pay the bill. My excuse, “I’m tired when I get home. I just can’t pay another bill” and I didn’t. So here I sat looking silly, but I couldn’t SEE myself because I was in the Dark . . .

“Can you come out today.”

“We’ll see ma’am.”

“If there is anyway that you could get to me before the end of the day, I would really appreciate it.”

“We’ll see what we can do, but the service guy for your area has a full load.”

I opened my mouth to beg one more time and before I could say a word. She spoke, “You are on his list.” Then she smiled which meant, “next please.” So I moved out the way. I was hoping they could fix this before the workday was over so that I could have lights and air that night. It’s embarrassing when you don’t handle your business. That situation irritated me, but it didn’t completely wake me up. A pair of shoes did.

That wasn’t the only bill that I paid late that month. By the time I finished my boycott on financial diligence I had paid late fees totaling $100.00. Again, it irritated me, but it didn’t wake me up. A dress did.

That weekend I went shopping feeling good with my freshly balanced checkbook knowing that I wouldn’t be juggling money because all the bills had been paid (finally) and I knew what was in my bank account. But I had forgotten about the late fees and the fact that my boycott had cost me a pocket book, a pair of shoes, a dress, as well as the pleasure of the hunt and enjoying the prize at the end of a mini-shopping spree. I knew how to work a $100.00 or at least I thought I did, until I realized I had given it away already because I wasn’t paying attention. I put everything back on the rack, and I woke up.

Now, my bills are paid like clock work. I still hate writing the checks and running to the post office, so I don’t. I use automatic bill pay from my bank (the service came free with my checking). I monitor my account periodically to make sure everything balances out and I go on with my life. My mind is free now to solve a new problem, but my bills are paid on time.

All of this is to make one point, Be diligent to know the state of your flocks, and look well to your herds; (Pr 27:23). In all your doing, take of you and make sure that home is tight and right.

-MizJAI-

I can catch myself daydreaming my future out loud. And that’s not a problem. But if I don’t watch it, daydreaming out loud is all that I could end up doing. It’s powerful to say your dreams so that you can hear them. It gives them a chance to become so real to you that you are willing to change your life in order to make them a reality.

Here’s the problem: What if all we do is talk? We talk about how good we could be at it; the new car we will buy with the money we make from it; the places we will go because of it; the people we will meet doing it; how we are the best and no one else’s talent can compare to us when we do it; the awards that we should receive because we are awesome at it; and on and on. If we spend more time talking about it and less time doing it, then we are just “groupies of our craft” and not leaders of the pack.

There are all types of jobs we can have, work we can do, problems we can solve. We just have to find the ones that speak to our spirits, and then get to work. In fact, in all labor there is profit, but idle talk leads only to poverty (Pr 14:23). So my advice is to work more and talk less. And since every kind of work produces some kind of increase, then it’s good to get to work diva, but remember, she who plants and she who waters are equal (one in aim, of the same importance and esteem) yet each shall receive her own reward (1Cor 3:8) Your work will determine your reward. A writer’s labor gets a writer’s favor.

-MizJAI-

Together we can create the impossible, solve the puzzle, and manager every piece of the pie. You’re not an island. And as much as I have tried on my own, I finally realize that I (the Invincible:-)) need a team and a support system (just like you) because two are better than one. They have a good [more satisfying] reward for their labor: For if they fall, the one will lift up her fellow (Eccl 4:9-10). And two can get more done together than one apart.

Even though a threefold cord is not quickly broken (Eccl 4:12b), dealing with people can be a challenge. Their weaknesses have to be taken into account. Furthermore, our own weaknesses are only truly exposed in the company of others. So we are required to learn new skills ourselves.

The best leaders can navigate the worst waters, pulling brilliance out of a rag tag group of devoted individuals. But regardless of people skill, it all begins with how we pick our team and then how we handle what we end up with. We already know to look for someone with a record of quality work (oftentimes with a price to match). However, when money limitations make us compromise or we are looking for something different, then consider a promising up and coming who demonstrates excellence (even if they are a neophyte). But there is another quality that we need to look for that is probably more important than everything said so far, and that’s character. We need honest people on your team, people that we can trust. In fact, the closer they are to us, the more integrity they need to have.

Keep your heart and your eyes open for the team that God has for you and your dream. It’s about learning how to lead, looking at the character of a person, and locking in on the quality of their work. Here’s the concept, you become the best leader for your dream. So, when it’s said, “Nobody Does It Better” then let it mean that nobody leads your team better than you do and nobody does your talent better. In all your getting, get understanding; make sure that you learn how to lead people. Authors write entire books on this subject. For a more detailed list of the types of people that you may need on your team as well as suggested reading, visit 5 People You Need on Your TEAM!: Don’t Be An IDIAT You Need HELP! in The Business Cafe.

-MizJAI-

We are never alone if we don’t want to be. If we choose to, we can have a highly skilled army with us as we build our dream. As a matter of fact God, Himself, is our Chief Advisor if we will accept Him on our team. And contrary to popular thought, He gives great advice. Quite simply, He is that honest, voice of Wisdom that speaks truth to us. We either listen or ignore.

But there is more to add to the team: Counselors, knowledgeable others, people whose lives reflect the victories that we want (pastors, business consultants, accountants, lawyers). By wise counsel we can wage our war, and in an abundance of counselors there is victory and safety (Pr 24:6). There are certain arenas that we shouldn’t even step into without help. Who goes to war alone? Someone who expects to loose. We need an army, we need help and the better the help we receive the greater our success.

But how do we choose our team? and how do we deal with the fact that we trust no one and expect everyone else to let us down? . . .

-MizJAI-

Have you every seen one of those one man bands. The guy has the harmonica strapped to his face, the drums attached to his thighs, several other instruments stuck places and then he leans into the mic and says

“Welcome to the show!”

“What show?” I think to myself and then I lean in and watch, although I would rather see an actual band, dressed up with a singer in tow.

Often times we (people with dreams, especially the entrepreneur) try to live like that, producing this one woman show of our lives. And people watch us regardless of the spectacle. What if we let someone else join us? What would happen? Well, even if we could play every character on that stage, someone has to cue our music, someone has to work our lights, someone has to draw our curtain, someone has to lend us a hand. Let’s face it, we need help. We cannot build anything for the long run without help. Families take teams, successful businesses take teams, our dreams will require a team or two; especially if we want it to live up to the image in our minds and to out live our natural lives. But not just any kind of team . . .

-MizJAI-